So, I've spent a lot of my time in BA being hateful, annoyed, frustrated, confused, lazy. Adjusting to life here is no easy task, and as my last entry might suggest, I found myself searching desperately for something (anything!) to appreciate and want to hold on to. If there's one thing I've learned since I've been here, it's that you can't force things. You can't force learning, maturation, or appreciation for something upon yourself. Countless times here, I thought to myself, "Well, good, I've learned from that mistake and I won't make it again," or, "Yes! I finally feel comfortable here and might really enjoy it. It's not so bad!" But in reality, I was just telling myself what I wanted to hear. Disappointment is a horrible feeling, and the last person I ever want to be disappointed in is myself. So I would invent these poignant little moments or epiphanies in my head to create some sense of progress in my life.
Now that the end of my time in BA is feeling closer and closer, I find myself looking back and asking, what was I thinking? How could I have expected to change almost overnight, or even keep track of my progress? Life learning is such a slow and gradual process that you can't observe it as it's happening. Blah blah blah I'm sure I'm boring you with my "coming of age" Annie Dillard, Huckleberry Finn bullshit, because I'm even boring myself.
Anyway. Looking back, this wasn't the experience I had been expecting (obviously) but it has certainly been something. Ok, I still have 3 weeks left, but knowing how quickly the weeks go by, I know that the end will come all too quickly. Surprisingly, this trip has been an incredibly enriching musical experience, moreover, it's been an incredible cultural experience (omgz no way!). Let me explain. Music has been my tool for connecting to people here, and sharing musical tastes has led to a lot of discoveries. Also, to nurse my depression/frustration I hid away from the world and spent far more time than is healthy on Zune Marketplace and Last.fm (and, I'll admit it, a bit of Pitchfork--DIE HIPSTER SCUM!--for the first time ever). The city has such a vibrant and accessible culture scene that finding local events and getting even somewhat involved in the scene has been really easy and rewarding. I kind of threw myself into the local hip hop scene, and while admittedly I don't feel like I've become fully a part of it, I certainly feel I've gained a fairly comprehensive understanding of it. I even started a crappy blog in Spanish about it for a class project. Basically, actively attempting to discover different parts of the culture here is something I definitely think I'll take away from this experience and continue to pursue upon returning home.
Another thing I've really enjoyed about the city is that it's been a really creative force for me. Maybe it's the mix of the pain and struggle of everyday urban life and lots of cheap alcohol, but my drive to create things has accelerated tenfold.
A final thing I'd like to thank BA for its the openness of it's people. Porteños, despite the chamuyo and apuro, are exceptionally hospitable and gregarious. I'm constantly meeting new people and it's not weird that we kiss on the cheek, exchange some words and then numbers to perhaps meet again (depending on how hard they lay on the chamuyo). But in all seriousness, being accustomed to the (at times) cold and individualistic mentality of the north, the casualness of meeting people and forging new relationships is so refreshing.
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